"I was not the poster child for pregnancy. I am not one of “those women” who was all happy, oblivious to everything that wasn’t baby. I was the opposite. I lived and breathed my chronic bladder illness because it was so bad, always a problem, and the baby was just something I was supposed to take home when it was all over. The night before my scheduled c-section, I just sobbed. Hysterical waves of emotion, terrified of what we had done, wanting to have someone, anyone take it all back. Well, it doesn’t happen that way.
It was a difficult pregnancy and frankly a challenging situation, yet here I am, a 37 year old first time mother of a happy, healthy 1 year old girl. I am on the other side of a pregnancy now, the memories and misery faded and I would honestly say I will try it again. Being a mother with a chronic illness is hard. I have to depend on my spouse to do more for me. I have plan for both myself and my daughter. I can’t be the one to be the self sacrificing mom, the martyr, I have to let my needs be known or I won’t be a good mom at all. It is a confliction of what I think are natural mother tendencies, yet in some ways, at this point I feel blessed to been given the chance to have this disease with children- I think it makes me a better mother." Melanie Bragin, California
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