A friend in England just called to tell me she is pregnant. With twins.
I have thought about this, and I have reached the sage conclusion that it just isn't possible. I didn't tell her this, of course. I didn't want to worry her. I said, how wonderful, how exciting, just the one pregnancy then; how marvellous.
What I was thinking was, there is no room for two children plus one adult in one human body.
Since I heard my friend's news I have been examining my own belly carefully, trying to see if there's a bit of square acreage for another child to squeeze into. As far as I can see, there isn't. My skin is stretched to breaking point - long red weals prove this fact. My stomach protrudes as if my belly button were attached to a pair of charging elephants. My son's head is snugly lodged beneath my ribcage. Where, exactly, would another child fit? Where could it possibly go? Around my heart and into my neck, perhaps? Down into my hips?
And then there are other things to think about. She is going to have feed two children at the same time (surely, even if you bottlefeed, you need four arms for this - one for each child, one for each bottle??? Why are humans equipped with only two if they are capable of producing more than one child?). And how will she ever go shopping? I've seen those seats in the carts at the supermarket, and as far as I can tell, there's only room for one child. What do you do with the other kid? Stick it in the basket with the jumbo packs of Cheerios and the dairy-farm's worth of milk?
I am awed at the thought of what is about to happen to her. My own problems seem slight in comparison. She has three human hearts beating in her body right now. Seems - scuse the pun - inconceivable.